July 25, 2008
The Care & Feeding of Butches


  • When I look handsome, tell me so. That look of appreciation in your eyes for my masculinity makes me melt.
  • Let me open doors for you, hold your umbrella, carry your bags, pull our your chair, refill your drink. These are the ways I call you precious.
  • When I am moody, let me have space. I will come back to you for help when I am ready.
  • Take my left elbow while we are walking. It makes me feel like I am promenading you, and plus our bodies can be closer that way than with handholding.
  • Don’t make a big deal out of it if I cook, clean, or cry. These may be “women’s things” (socialized or by nature, that’s a debate for another time) but I like to do them, I like my subversive gender, I was raised female too.
  • Buy me boy presents like cuff links, ties, a flask, suspenders, a watch caddy, a shoe-shine kit. These are tokens that show how you celebrate my gender expression, just like when I buy you lingerie, flowers, perfume, jewelry.
  • Watch (or read) porn with me sometimes. Then tell me how you’d do it better …
  • Don’t assume I’m stone just cause I’m (a top, and) butch. I like sex - and getting off.
  • Tell me when I fuck up, and let me fix it. I usually can. I’m handy that way.

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